20 Boxing Rules

By Peter Wood on September 9, 2012
20 Boxing Rules
A boxer can get a tattoo, but butterflies, dolphins and moonbeams are NEVER allowed.

When walking in on other boxers watching a boxing match on TV, you may ask who’s winning, but you may never ask who’s fighting…

This is a collection of rules that every boxer must live by. The rules are to be followed at all times, by all boxers. They can only be changed by Boxing.com and even that requires a majority vote.

Please read them, learn them, and live them.

1)    When walking into a dressing room, under no circumstances shall a boxer choose a locker adjacent to a locker already being used, unless, of course, it’s the very last locker available.

2)    After a boxer gets the better of his sparring partner, it is imperative that he evens it out a bit by telling him he landed a really great shot and you were momentarily stunned.

3)    No boxer shall spend more than two minutes preening in front of the mirror. If more time is required, a three-minute wait-time must be adhered to before returning to the mirror.

4)    When a female boxer asks you to spar, you may do so, but you must only toy with her.

5)    No boxer shall wear tassels on his boxing shoes, or trunks. (No Exceptions!)

6)    A boxer is allowed to scratch his nuts whenever he wants. But he is never allowed to pick out a wedgie from his butt. (In private, it’s permissible.)

7)    A boxer can get a tattoo, but butterflies, dolphins and moonbeams are NEVER allowed.

8)    When a boxer agrees to spar another boxer the next day, he must be punctual in arriving to the gym. Anything more than one-half hour late, without calling, means you are a wretch and the guilty boxer shall acknowledge being called “a wretch” for one week. (The compensation for running late is a six-pack of beer.)

9)    No boxer shall ever watch any of the following TV programs:

a)    Figure skating.

b)    Men’s gymnastics.

c)    Any sport involving women (unless viewed for purposes of appreciation of the feminine form and figure.)

10)  If a boxer accidentally touches or brushes against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.

11)  If your opponent accidentally, on purpose, hits you below the belt, it is understood that you will wait until the next round and accidentally, on purpose, punch him back—only HARDER. (You must IMMEDIATELY apologize and seem contrite.)

12)  If a hot girl shall happen to pass by and give you the eye while you are training, it is understood that, upon mutual agreement, it is perfectly fine to terminate training for that day.

13)  No boxer shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky 5).

14)  A boxer has not made a mistake if he finds himself always getting smacked in the face with the double-end bag while punching it. It is an odd invention and whoever invented it should be shot.

15)  Unless you are a boxer under the age of 11, DON’T wear a bathing suit to the boxing gym.

16)  On a long car ride to the fight, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

17)  When walking in on other boxers watching a boxing match on TV, you may ask who’s winning, but you may never ask who’s fighting.

18)  A boxer, while sitting in a bar, may exaggerate the amount of fights he’s had by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call out “BULLSHIT!”

19)  Under no circumstances may two boxers share an umbrella.

20)  When boxing, a boxer may not say “Ouch!”

With every set of laws, there are appropriate punishments. If any boxer shall happen to break any one of these laws, he will be found guilty, and will for 24 hours from that time of the violation, be considered “NOT A BOXER”. During this time he will not be referred to in any masculine or athletic way, and he shall bear the name “Princess”.

(Feel free to submit any additional “Boxer Rules” to: Boxing.com)

(Peter Wood is the author of “Confessions of a Fighter” and “A Clenched Fist” available on www.Amazon.com)

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  1. Bryan Adams 09:24am, 09/01/2015

    Why arent tassles allowed?

  2. Tom 09:49am, 09/15/2012

    I always wondered why the sparing partners who beat me up always complimented me on that one great shot.

  3. NYIrish 10:17am, 09/14/2012

    Here’s an old quote from Bobby Jackson;
    “Payyafukin’ DUES !”

  4. Irish Frankie Crawford Beat Saijo 06:04pm, 09/10/2012

    No unicorn tattoos either, but tattoos of beautiful, sexy, even semi-nude women can be admired on the chests, arms, and yes, even the backs of some fighters!

  5. Irish Frankie Crawford Beat Saijo 01:57pm, 09/10/2012

    The Tache-Either that or give themselves a good high colonic enema cleansing!

  6. The Tache 11:52am, 09/10/2012

    I would like to add a rule that boxers who start to refer to themselves in the 3rd person should retire.

  7. the thresher 06:24am, 09/10/2012

    LMFAO

  8. Bob 04:15am, 09/10/2012

    The boxing gym is unlike most other work environments so it definitely has its own set of rules, all of which Pete articulates very eloquently and colorfully. I disagree somewhat with #5. Although I’m not a fan of tassles on anything, if you are a fierce knockout puncher you get a pass on that one. Big KO artists, especially those on the way up, live by different rules, and can be very idiosyncratic and unique without causing a stir.  There’s a difference between a young Mike Tyson and a young Hector Camacho wearing tassles.  Very enjoyable piece by a writer I wish we’d see more of on the site.

  9. raxman 07:58pm, 09/09/2012

    They are gold - the first two points made me think it was going to be a serious - well make that non comical - list. point 2 is a rule i’ve encouraged fighters to follow - there is nothing more damaging to a boxing club than battered egos. i remember getting my arse handed to me by a former australian light heavy champ - all he had to say to me - well not even to me but to a guy watching that i was talking to (which was better) that i had really good straight punches. it was a gracious act that immediately made my sore jaw feel better.
    i love 10 &11; though

  10. Leighton 05:35pm, 09/09/2012

    I confess to breaking rule 9c. Incidentally, it was women’s boxing.

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