Balls Like King Kong

By Robert Ecksel on July 24, 2014
Balls Like King Kong
“I've got balls like King Kong,” said Fury, “and I’m knocking him spark out. How’s that?”

“Dereck Chisora is history. After I’ve done with this lummox in front of me here I want Bermane Stiverne for the WBC title…”

The hastily arranged fight between Tyson Fury and Alexander Ustinov was followed by a hastily arranged press conference in Manchester. The giant from Belarus saved the day when he stepped in to replace injured Dereck Chisora, and Fury, at least at first, showed some respect.

“I’m pretty sure there is a conspiracy theory going on behind all this,” said Fury conspiratorially, “but listen, it is what it is. I don’t let people down. I fight. People would have got a journeyman to step in on Saturday night, somebody shit. I don’t do that. I’ve got a man here that’s had thirty fights and lost one. Credit to him for stepping in at short notice. He’s been in the gym sparring, but then again so have I. It’s going to be a Clash of the Titans and may the best man win.”

Fury didn’t mention Dereck Chisora, but a member of the press did—and it was like he waving a cape at a raging bull.

“As far as I am concerned,” Fury said, “Dereck Chisora is history, he’s finished. After I’ve done with this lummox in front of me here I want Bermane Stiverne for the WBC title. I am not interested in Dereck Chisora. He hasn’t got enough credibility to lace by boots, never mind step in the same ring. He’s a shithouse. He dropped his bollocks in training and this big lummox has had to step in and take his place.”

Calling Ustinov a lummox may have been unkind, but it’s nothing compared to what Fury intends to do when he gets his hands on him Saturday night.

“This lad here may be a giant, but when I land a big detonator on his swelled head he’s going to go down and he is going to stay down. He’s a shithouse. Did you see the fight with Pulev? He’s getting knocked clean out!”

No one asked Fury for a prediction, but he offered one anyway.

“Don’t be surprised if he goes down in one or two rounds. I’ll show you what I am going to do to this dickhead Saturday night. They will carry him back to Russia on a stretcher. I am coming out firing, swinging bombs, and if he can land one on me, credit to him. But I’ve got balls like King Kong and I’m knocking him spark out. How’s that?”

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  1. Bob 04:51am, 07/25/2014

    Why doesn’t Fury just go away. In the 1960s and 1970s he would not have even been able to win the New York Golden Gloves. The biggest joke related to this fiasco is the fact that Shannon Briggs, who says he is chasing Klitschko, was apparently offered this fight and turned it down.  He quite possibly would have beaten Fury and been much closer to a fight with the Ukrainian. I hope the Russian “lummox” shuts Fury’s mouth up for good and sends him into irrelevance . The use of the word “dickhead” is also questionable. I didn’t know adults used that to insult each other. Kind of like calling someone a fink.

  2. Irish Frankie Crawford Beat Saijo aka Gimpel 05:31pm, 07/24/2014

    Posing with Ustinov looks suspiciously like a 16” neck to me….perfect for the Arrow Collar Man…not so much for a 6’9” heavyweight….King Kong balls or no balls at all. Here’s what I’m really thinking…..this is his biggest challenge to date in more ways than one.

  3. Irish Frankie Crawford Beat Saijo aka Gimpel 05:22pm, 07/24/2014

    Looks like Tyson had some work done…..some Lipo to get rid of those pesky love handles….can’t get him to keep his shirt on now…..probably had that excess cottage cheese injected into his scrotum…..and that kids is how you get King Kong balls…..found time to call Big Daddy Lucas Browne a “great lump”....heck yea!

  4. Clarence George 01:06pm, 07/24/2014

    Fury bores me in or out of the ring.  And the only Ustinov I know is the one who played Hercule Poirot.  But…the image accompanying this article cracked me up.  Well done, Robert!  But what, pray tell, have you done with Fay Wray?  You rescued her from King Kong, which is to be applauded.  But where is she now?  She’s not in your cellar, is she?

  5. nicolas 12:06pm, 07/24/2014

    This fight will be really intriguing. Only twice from what I have seen has fury taken on a man who was heavier than he was. that was the out of shape Chisora when they first fought, and I thought was at that time an upset, and John McDermot. What if Ustinov lands a big punch on Fury, like Cunningham did, or that other fighter who had him down and as I understand it in some difficulties? Fury should be the favorite, but I would not be surprised if an upset could happen.

  6. Irish Frankie Crawford Beat Saijo aka Gimpel 11:32am, 07/24/2014

    Fury has the heavier load on Saturday with this “shithouse of a dickhead lummox” than GGG has with Geale….with the language barrier and all Ustinov probably thought Tyson was giving him credit for stepping in on such short notice.

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