Mayor Klitschko’s Successes

By George Thomas Clark on August 19, 2014
Mayor Klitschko’s Successes
My first moves as Mayor legalized gambling, prostitution, and personal use of marijuana.

I immediately began transforming our capital city into an economic powerhouse. Not even the Russians would trample such a showplace…

I didn’t worry about ragged furniture in my office at Kiev City Hall. The city looked much worse as unemployment rose, wages fell, our till stood empty, protesters lived in tents a hundred meters from my office, and Russian troops mobilized on our eastern border. The big bears intended to convince all Ukrainians, and especially politicians like me, the Mayor of Kiev, that they were poised to crush us. They should have hurried because I immediately began transforming our capital city into an economic powerhouse, certain that not even the Russians would trample such a showplace.

My first moves, backed by the City Council and all proactive citizens of Kiev, legalized gambling, prostitution, and personal use of marijuana, made the dollar our official currency, and provided tax breaks for high tech businesses and other industries to open factories in our city. Consequently, Microsoft, Google, Facebook, Apple, Sony, and many other firms quickly purchased land here and built new palaces of production or made older buildings sparkle. Our dynamic new employees, foreign and domestic, certainly were blessed. When not working, they frolicked with some of the most sensuous women from the great Ukrainian Breadbasket and further financed our endeavors, in historic buildings already converted into casinos. 

A dynamic environment such as the new Kiev also demanded boxing and martial arts of unsurpassed quality. I remade the City Council meeting room into a lavish gymnasium highlighted by an elevated ring I daily used to promote our city. My first fistic action, since retiring with one of the world heavyweight title belts, came against Bermane Stiverne, also a heavyweight champion, and Deontay Wilder, a lad, tall as I, who came to fight for Stiverne’s title. We sold pay-per-view tickets for ten sparring sessions, a bargain at ten bucks each, and global audiences skyrocketed as each time I took on both, individually, and hammered Stiverne with combinations that had felled many men but merely staggered the husky Haitian expatriate. He occasionally lambasted me with his touted right hand and forced me to grab. The powerful Wilder, though vulnerable on defense after years of fighting only journeymen, showed a tight and explosive right hand as formidable as that of Stiverne. I’m still picking the champion because of his experience but urge tourists to bet lightly on the fight and heavily at the tables.

As we await this extravaganza, my brother Wladimir, holder of many title belts and the finest heavyweight this century, is thrashing a variety of sparring partners in the meeting room of City Hall and, quite unintentionally, I believe, compelling fans around the globe to demand that Wlad and I fight or at least spar. We demur, of course, and instead offer pugnacious President Vladimir Putin of Russia the opportunity to fight, with no rules, any reasonable opponent of his choosing. He selects renowned women’s mixed martial artist Ronda Rousey, and she at once accepts. Right now the odds are even but that won’t hold as we’re wagering millions of dollars, euros, and rubles on Rousey. 

George Thomas Clark is the author of several books, most recently Death in the Ring, a collection of boxing stories, and The Bold Investor, a short story collection. See the author’s website at www.GeorgeThomasClark.com.

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  1. George Thomas Clark 01:11pm, 08/20/2014

    Irish - the economy isn’t robust but it’s growing and in better shape than when Obama took over. 

    Hard for anyone to say Obama is weak on immigration: he’s known as the Deporter in Chief…

    So he vigorously defends the country and he’s helped improve the economy.

    What else do you want?

  2. Bi$hop Je$$e 10:05am, 08/20/2014

    I’m waiting for Holder and the Dept. of JustUS to investigate all those “hush crimes” like “The Knockout Game,” “Polar Bear Hunting,” and “Swarming,” that has been perpetrated by “teens” and “youths.” One could easily identify those crimes as “domestic terrorism.” No Jusus, No Peace.

  3. Irish Frankie Crawford Beat Saijo aka Gimpel 08:37am, 08/20/2014

    Eric-Probably not…..he didn’t show up at Columbia or the Illinois State Senate or the U.S. Senate for that matter…...and he’s a no show in the Oval Office…do you realize that there are literally hundreds if not thousands that know the real Barack Obama because they have actually seen his sealed records or have had up close and personal contact with him along the way like Larry Sinclair did….if ever there was a conspiracy to destroy our country this is one prime example but it’s only the tip of the iceberg…...which reminds me….Progressivism/Liberalism and Islamism are incurable mental diseases and as long as we have the likes of Sheila Jackson Lee in the U.S. House of Representatives there is no hope for our country….none! Latest out…. Obama has sent Holder to Ferguson to arrange for Officer Darren Wilson’s beheading!

  4. Eric 07:20am, 08/20/2014

    Irish…Did Barry have to show up for his “job” as community agitator? Mooseshell didn’t show up for her old “job” that much either. Both have had it made and haven’t worked for anything they’ve been GIVEN, and yet they despise this country. Just goes to show you that the more you give to people, the less they appreciate it, and they less they respect you.  In America, those who contribute the least, demand the most.

  5. Eric 07:02am, 08/20/2014

    Politicians and prostitutes. Politicians entertaining “clients” with prostitutes. Nothing new there. Only thing missing is some of those VIPs might be of the Barney Frank persuasion and might need something besides a voluptious, blonde, statuesque female sex slave. Legalized gambling would be great if it wouldn’t bring in the usual suspects. Legalized marijuana? FREE THE WEED, just don’t smoke and drive. Legalized prostitution? I’m guessing the prostitutes in Amsterdam might have it better than in some third world “sex slave” brothel, but I’m still guessing there is some savory behind the scenes “pimping.” Regular testing for STDs? Are the “johns” tested before they engage in the legal transaction of pay for play. Legalization of prostitution only increases human trafficking.

  6. Irish Frankie Crawford Beat Saijo aka Gimpel 06:38am, 08/20/2014

    GTC-Closer to home…..not long ago an interviewee on talk radio who worked very closely with Barack Obama during his Chicago community organizer days stated emphatically that Obama’s work ethics/efforts were sub par by every measure….essentially going through the motions…. that is…. acting the part of a community organizer…..the more things change the more they stay the same.

  7. Mohummad Humza Elahi 02:31am, 08/20/2014

    If only it were true!  Having said that, during the football (not SOCCER) championships that were held in Poland and Ukraine it was an absolute boon for lager louts that wanted to sample the delights of Eastern Europe.  I’m not talking goulash here.  Over the past decade, Eastern Europe in general has been overrun by stag nights/Brits Abroad, where cheap booze and women is par for the course.  Being of Pakistani origin, I haven’t travailed there yet, could prove to be a bit dangerous.

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