Shannon Briggs Rushes Wladimir Klitschko
Wladimir remained admirably professional with one exception. He called Briggs “punch-drunk,” although the American fortunately didn’t hear him…
David Haye successfully hustled his way into the ring with Wladimir Klitschko back in 2011 to our great detriment. Shannon Briggs, once more famous for his haircut and amiable nature than any apparent hormonal imbalance, has apparently decided to take a page out of “The Hayemaker’s” book, attempting to bum-rush Wladimir Klitsckho as the world’s premier heavyweight calmly looked on, while Aldo Vetera wrapped his hands.
Video of the incident emerged today.
Apparently placid upon his arrival at the gym, something seems to have sparked Briggs into great despondence as he can be seen all at once tearing his shirt from his back, shrilly assuring the champion “I’m in shape! I’m in shape!” It must be said, Briggs has the appearance of a man physically superior to the one Vitali Klitschko hospitalized for a week in his last professional outing more than three years ago, but mentally his next move was certainly questionable. Perhaps disturbed by the frequency of his own voice, Briggs challenged the champion, “We can go right now!” upon which remark he tore one of his shoes from his foot and threw it, striking Wladimir upon the chest as a young woman previously enjoying a front-row view eased herself gently onto the next bench, just in case. It was the silkiest move of the night.
In his forties, Briggs is on the comeback trail but already there is a problem with his wagon. Scheduled to box for the first time since Vitali brutalized him into grotesquery all those months ago, he was slated to appear for pay on a card in Atlanta on February 23rd but was, according to Examiner.com, prevented from doing so by the Georgian Athletic and Entertainment Commission. The reason was undisclosed but rumors later emerged that he was a no-show.
Could it have occurred to Briggs even then that David Haye had shown a better way?
Having struck a blow for self-promoters everywhere via the unorthodox shoe-to-chest throw, Briggs began a more familiar game known as “These Guys!” or “The Livid Backdown” whereby two much smaller men colluded to somehow keep this 260-pound, 6’4” behemoth away from a now partially engaged Wladimir.
Former Cleveland Browns running back and all-round badass Jim Brown basically solved “These Guys!” in 1970 with the immortal line, “Fellas, I think the gentleman could express himself better if you let him go.” Wladimir surprised by going for the more direct:
“Listen to me! I’m going to make you eat this shoe.”
“Make me eat it right now!” demands Briggs before allowing himself to be eased away from Wladimir by a man around 100 lbs. lighter than him.
“Shannon Briggs is back! Tell your brother!”
Quite why Briggs wants Vitali alerted to his new combat status is a mystery. Possibly he enjoyed looking like a watermelon.
“Wherever you go, I’ll go! You go to Germany I’ll got Germany! You go to Russia I’ll go to Russia!”
This is right out of the “Haye Guide to Getting a Title Shot You Don’t Deserve” introduction, which Briggs has clearly memorized.
“I’m the last American heavyweight champion of the world!”
This is less good, and after inexplicably underlining the dearth of quality American heavyweights Briggs mysteriously allowed himself to be hustled out of the gym’s front door without both his weaponized shoe and his shirt.
But the show is never really over.
During the altercation, Wladimir remained admirably professional with one exception. He called Briggs “punch-drunk,” although the American fortunately didn’t hear him through his own ranting. This is unfortunate, not least because Briggs may really be struggling with mental issues, and if he isn’t there is his future to consider. On one level, though, it is a comfort. It was a slip, and a slip suggests there was no script and if there was no script this is less likely to have been a set-up. After all, there’s only one reason for a set-up, and that’s to build a future gate.
One thing Briggs said rings true. He told the champion: “You’re fighting bums!” Next up for Wladimir is chanceless six-foot Kevin Johnson victim Alex Leapai. It is a hideous defense, almost inexcusable, whatever strap he is using to justify it.
So, Wladimir Klitschko-Shannon Briggs summer of ’14 anyone?
Things could never be that bad.